Miss Independent...Or Something

"The issue of our day is that we live in a society that's thin... 

we know everyone without knowing anyone...

We live in a day and age, where the rights of the individual are ultimate. 

So that what you want is what you must have and ultimate freedom and happiness can only be found in your individual desires being fulfilled." 

-Matt Chandler

I've been catching up on Village Church sermons this week on my way to work. Normally I'm not a sermon girl - my mind wanders too much and I can't focus on what the pastor is actually saying so I typically go to true-crime podcasts or my favorite, How I Built This. Regardless, I've found myself listening to Matt Chandler the last few mornings.

While I don't really think sermons on marriage really apply to me, I decided to go for it anyway because there's always a chance for someday! And if not, I'm always looking for advice to write on cards at wedding showers and since I'm no marriage expert, I have to steal it from somewhere...

The above quotes really stood out to me as I was sitting in my car driving to work. I'm a pretty independent person. I think from the day I could string words together I was telling my mom, "me do!" I wanted to do my own thing, and by golly I didn't need anyone to help me. That mindset has prevailed throughout the years, and has basically translated to adulthood in the form of independence when it comes to relationships, both friendships and romantic. 

I used to think it was a good thing. If I didn't ever really make myself vulnerable to anyone, I couldn't get hurt. Friendships from my middle school days taught me that if you open yourself up, you're going to get hurt, and has been re-affirmed in various stages of life. Friends have hurt me. Guys have hurt me. People I don't know have hurt me. It's just easier to do everything alone, and not risk it. 

While I do enjoy meaningful, deep friendships, I will say it is always a struggle for me to open myself up and be honest to the point that the person knows me, my fears and insecurities, my hopes and dreams, and all the in between. I wrestle with trusting God that the person won't, in fact, hurt me like I've been hurt before. In a sense, I've had the individual mindset he talks about. As long as the things I need and want are done, I can be happy. Who needs anyone else as long as my needs are fulfilled?

God created us for companionship. For deep, meaningful relationships. He created us to be known and to have community with him and with others. There's a reason God is a triune God. It's not because he needed Jesus and the Holy Spirit, it's because he wanted them. "It is not good for man to be alone." He said that. First book in the Bible. He didn't say "I don't think man should be alone." He said it's not good. And he made a lot of good things if you've read the story. 

If I live my life in fear that someone is going to hurt me and that people will always disappoint me? I will miss out on the beautiful piece of God's heart that you can only see when you experience community and relationships. Yes, being comfortable being me and being alone is good. But, do I want to be independent forever? No. Do I use my independence as an excuse to push people away? Yes. Will keeping that mindset mean I'll be independent forever? Probably, but God does work miracles... 

I always need a reminder that we were not created to be these independent people going through life seeking after our own happiness and forsaking the joy that is meaningful companionship with others. God knows all things, and to this point, hasn't messed up anything in his plan. Which means, if he thinks community is important? It's time to kiss that Kelly Clarkson goodbye and become a person for people, not for myself. Is it hard to be vulnerable and to be hurt by others? Yes. But is it easier to go through life alone and not let people in because I'm scared of what they'll think or do? No. The risk does not outweigh the reward, and in fact, I think God includes the risk because he knows how sweet the reward truly is. Those true friendships that I enjoy, enrich my life in ways I could never have imagined, and that wouldn't have been possible if I decided to live my life in my own bubble of isolation. We were made for others, and most importantly? We were made for God. 

It's time to cast off the fear of rejection, embrace the freedom of relationships, and trust that the Lord knows what he's doing!

Until next time,

Jackie

New Beginnings

"We find ourselves in less than perfect situations daily.

Whether it's in our jobs, relationships, 

or finances, there are things that go wrong, days

that seem endless and stages of life when we wonder if we'll

ever find rest again. However, we can find rest

in the blessed assurance that there will be a day when 

all the imperfect moments-all of our failures and shortcomings-

will fade away and be replaced by infinite glory.

We are children of God and we were chosen to be victorious.

Even if it feels like we're losing the battle sometimes, 

we were hand picked to win the war...

As we anticipate the coming of Christ, let's remember

that when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

No matter what trials and tribulations we face in this life,

there are better days coming-days when all the imperfect will disappear."

- The King is Coming Devotional

These last few months have felt like I've been in the middle of a storm and can't find my way through the wind and rain. That may be dramatic, but it's how I've felt as I've walked through losing my dog, ending a relationship, battling with discontentment in my work, and health problems. I have felt like the Lord was trying to teach me something but I wasn't grasping it fast enough so he just kept letting me go through these various things. 

At times I've felt so discouraged, like there's no way life could get any worse (it definitely can, but dramatic Jackie knows no bounds), and I just need ONE thing to go my way. Really, the past year has been hard as discontentment grew in my job and I was interviewing and being turned down from multiple jobs, I started to feel like I simply had nothing to offer. My relationship ended, and left me wondering if I'll be that 40-year-old single dog lady in the future. (Again, I won't be, but, dramatic.)

My health took a dip - the doctor was convinced it was a gallbladder issue and after enduring a month having various tests done, I find out that my gallbladder is "normal" but I could just get it taken out anyway to see if that takes care of the problem. (Okay, I know you can live without your gallbladder but really? Why do we think removing organs to see if that solves the problem is a valid option? I digress...Phew.) Add on to that what has felt like the world's longest cold, and I'm kind ready for science to catch up so I can get a body transplant. 

All of these things had me crying out to the Lord one day "Seriously, I'm through with it all. Let me hibernate in my bed while binging on pizza and Netflix and fix my life." While I wish the Lord was in the habit of cleaning up my life while I simply get fat on pizza, he's in the business of teaching lessons and holding my hand I walk through the tough stuff. 

I know that I have a savior who will not let me be tested past what I'm capable of handling with his help. I stumbled upon the above devotional after I had my first interview for a job that I fell in love with from just reading the job description. This line spoke to my heart in the midst of all these various emotions: "Even if it feels like we're losing the battle sometimes, we were hand picked to win the war."

Praise the Lord for knowing that we will be victorious through him over all the things that plague us. Praise the Lord for encouragement in the middle of the things that aren't going "right" in our lives. I will not end up a crazy dog lady, and if I do? The Lord will still be there. I live in a world where modern medicine can eventually fix what ails me and if not, the Lord is the Healer of physical, emotional, and spiritual hurts. If I were to stay at my current job, the Lord will still be there and use it to grow me in good ways. 

"And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

- Esther 4:14b

We go through seasons of life, valley and peaks, in order for the Lord to grow our character and show us that life wasn't meant to be lived in passing, but in actively seeking after him and persevering through the good and the bad. While it's much easier to persevere through the good, those good moments remind us what all the hard stuff was for. I've learned SO much about dependence on God and why he has me in these various "trials" for such a time as this. We were hand picked to win the war. Hallelujah, am I right?!

This year my co-leader and I took our senior girls to Hobby Lobby to pick out an ornament that represented something the Lord has taught them this past semester. The ornament I chose was a tree because just like trees, we can endure all things if our roots are deep enough. (Not a perfect analogy, but pretty close.) As long as I am relying on Christ to supply all I need for life, even in the windiest storms, I will stand firm. God doesn't promise we won't ever experience storms, but he does promise that if you build your life on him, he will not let you be destroyed. My roots must continue to deepen if I want to be standing on the other side of life's challenges. 

So, do not be discouraged dear friends! There are always little blessings in life, and I'm convinced the Lord truly does work things out for our good. There was a reason I didn't get those jobs I applied for earlier, because the Lord had something even more exciting for me.

So, without further ado, you're looking at the brand new Marketing Manager for Tacos4Life. My last day with CJRW is December 30, and I will begin my journey with Tacos4Life January 3! (Happy Birthday to me!) I couldn't be more excited for this next chapter God has me starting, and I just know that the best is yet to come! Tacos for everyone! :)

Until next time,

Jackie