Those moments when you think to yourself: "why on earth do I feel this way? I'm being completely dumb right now," are all to common in my life. Sometimes you get into a funk, which is perfectly acceptable, but the worst thing is pinpointing why you're in that funk. Mm that's what happened to me today- on Christmas of all days! As much as I want to pretend all was dandy this Christmas. There was something ugly growing in my heart, and the only way to rid it is by writing it all down... for the world (all 3 people who check this blog that is, ;) ) to know!!
The day started off great, we opened presents and had breakfast and we all got ready. My bad mood grew as I surveyed the generosity spread before me on my bed- a scarf, lots of sweaters and clothes lay before me. But what to my wandering eyes should appear... oh wait. Not part of this story. :) Anyway. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed as I surveyed the things I had received from my loving family and friends. "This doesn't fit. I don't think I'll ever wear this. It's cute but..." excuses came into my head and I continued to look at my gifts. A little side note- giving gifts is one of my love languages. I love it. The joy I get from giving a gift I know will be special and appreciated by the recipient is what I strive for in every gift I give- big or little. So for me, when I get a gift that doesn't scream "I spent days shopping for you and thinking about you the whole time" I get a little disappointed. That's a personal problem. Don't worry- I'm taking classes. ;).
So I let my discontent grow as I saw posted on Twitter and Facebook status's about how people got everything they wanted this year, and how they got this, and they got that (some of which were things I had wanted), all the while thinking "Their families must really love them." But the tragedy of the day that I wasted semi moping about the house, is that it's not about me, and I had spent the day thinking it was.
Let me repeat myself. CHRISTMAS IS NOT ABOUT ME.
Sure. We're brought up our whole lives into thinking that Christmas is about MY wish list and what I'M getting from santa, etc. And suddenly, this Christmas it hits me more than ever. I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve the sweater that was "not really my style" or the scarf that wasn't exactly what I was thinking of. I didn't deserve to have a baby come, be born in a manger, to grow up and be sacrificed for MY sin. No. This Christmas I realized how selfish I was being. It's not about the gifts- sure they're nice and it's fun to open new things and to feel special- but ultimately, in two years I won't even remember the gifts I got or the things I returned. I will remember that every year we celebrate a God who loved us enough to send his only son to be BORN. Born for you, and born for me. It's a gift I tend to forget more often than not, specially this year as jealousy crept into my heart. It's not about the stuff. It's about the person we celebrate.
As I prepare to leave for Guatemala my prayer is that God continues to work on my heart to teach me that the things of this life- they all pass away, but God is the one who remains the same forever. I'm so excited to take this trip with my family. It's hopefully going to be a wonderful time of growing together and being stretched in our faiths. I'm praying my perspective will be radically shifted, like it has been every other time I've gone and let God do the work in me. It's not about me. It's about God, lets worship him and the greatest gift of all, his son and his love. Merry Christmas everyone, and may your New Year be blessed to the fullest. :)
Till next time,
Jackie
Fact of the Day: Leftovers can sometimes be your enemy. Spoilt leftovers are responsible for 400,000 cases of post Christmas associated illnesses. Moral of the story: always check your leftovers...
