"The issue of our day is that we live in a society that's thin...
we know everyone without knowing anyone...
We live in a day and age, where the rights of the individual are ultimate.
So that what you want is what you must have and ultimate freedom and happiness can only be found in your individual desires being fulfilled."
-Matt Chandler
I've been catching up on Village Church sermons this week on my way to work. Normally I'm not a sermon girl - my mind wanders too much and I can't focus on what the pastor is actually saying so I typically go to true-crime podcasts or my favorite, How I Built This. Regardless, I've found myself listening to Matt Chandler the last few mornings.
While I don't really think sermons on marriage really apply to me, I decided to go for it anyway because there's always a chance for someday! And if not, I'm always looking for advice to write on cards at wedding showers and since I'm no marriage expert, I have to steal it from somewhere...
The above quotes really stood out to me as I was sitting in my car driving to work. I'm a pretty independent person. I think from the day I could string words together I was telling my mom, "me do!" I wanted to do my own thing, and by golly I didn't need anyone to help me. That mindset has prevailed throughout the years, and has basically translated to adulthood in the form of independence when it comes to relationships, both friendships and romantic.
I used to think it was a good thing. If I didn't ever really make myself vulnerable to anyone, I couldn't get hurt. Friendships from my middle school days taught me that if you open yourself up, you're going to get hurt, and has been re-affirmed in various stages of life. Friends have hurt me. Guys have hurt me. People I don't know have hurt me. It's just easier to do everything alone, and not risk it.
While I do enjoy meaningful, deep friendships, I will say it is always a struggle for me to open myself up and be honest to the point that the person knows me, my fears and insecurities, my hopes and dreams, and all the in between. I wrestle with trusting God that the person won't, in fact, hurt me like I've been hurt before. In a sense, I've had the individual mindset he talks about. As long as the things I need and want are done, I can be happy. Who needs anyone else as long as my needs are fulfilled?
God created us for companionship. For deep, meaningful relationships. He created us to be known and to have community with him and with others. There's a reason God is a triune God. It's not because he needed Jesus and the Holy Spirit, it's because he wanted them. "It is not good for man to be alone." He said that. First book in the Bible. He didn't say "I don't think man should be alone." He said it's not good. And he made a lot of good things if you've read the story.
If I live my life in fear that someone is going to hurt me and that people will always disappoint me? I will miss out on the beautiful piece of God's heart that you can only see when you experience community and relationships. Yes, being comfortable being me and being alone is good. But, do I want to be independent forever? No. Do I use my independence as an excuse to push people away? Yes. Will keeping that mindset mean I'll be independent forever? Probably, but God does work miracles...
I always need a reminder that we were not created to be these independent people going through life seeking after our own happiness and forsaking the joy that is meaningful companionship with others. God knows all things, and to this point, hasn't messed up anything in his plan. Which means, if he thinks community is important? It's time to kiss that Kelly Clarkson goodbye and become a person for people, not for myself. Is it hard to be vulnerable and to be hurt by others? Yes. But is it easier to go through life alone and not let people in because I'm scared of what they'll think or do? No. The risk does not outweigh the reward, and in fact, I think God includes the risk because he knows how sweet the reward truly is. Those true friendships that I enjoy, enrich my life in ways I could never have imagined, and that wouldn't have been possible if I decided to live my life in my own bubble of isolation. We were made for others, and most importantly? We were made for God.
It's time to cast off the fear of rejection, embrace the freedom of relationships, and trust that the Lord knows what he's doing!
Until next time,
Jackie
