"People will forget what you said, will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou
I was about a week too late to see Maya Angelou talk in Fayetteville- the talk was cancelled because of health problems for Maya, and it still makes me sad to think I'll never get to hear her speak. Anyway, that's not what this post is about, it just so happened I thought this quote was applicable for this daily rant.
I might have used this quote in a previous post, but you'd probably have to go back decently far and I'm sure none of my loyal followers (read: no one) would take the time to weed through all my thoughts just to prove a point. Either way, the older I get (I know, 22, I'm ancient) the more I begin to appreciate the effort people place into friendships. You know when you're little you could literally run outside and find some cool neighbor kids and waste hours playing sardines, football, tag, you name it. As we got older, we just hung out with the people around us- school, church, soccer, whatever random events your parents forced you into. Then high school came. We got cars, slightly later curfews, jobs and new opportunities to go places. At this point though, if you didn't have homework, what was holding you back from spending hours at Sonic and driving around wasting gas? Don't tell me you never blasted some music from your iPod Mini with the windows rolled down sipping a vanilla Dr. Pepper... classic high school nights for me.
You spend enough nights like that and wham! suddenly you're in college. Living with all your friends on one campus (or close to it) and hanging out all the time. Revert back to late elementary/middle school feel of being available all the time and down to do whatever for the first few years of college. Suddenly, senior year hits. It's not all fun and games, it's senior theses, job applications and interviews, grad school woes, and seeing life pull you and your best friends farther away. Suddenly friendships become work, and time seems to fly by too fast. It's convenient to sit with who you're by ad not try and call up those that mean the most to you. I know senior year for me saw me spending time with those in my dorm and still on campus and neglecting relationships that required more than a knock on a door in my hallway.
Then the bliss of graduation fades about an hour after you walk across the stage as you sit alone on your dorm bed and sob because you know things will never be the same again and the last, best, four years of your life are gone (not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything...). You move back home to realize that the city you grew up in, where your friendships came so easily, is now a whole lot bigger and a whole lot scarier than you remembered. No longer are there built in places where you'll meet tons of people your age. No longer is there a safety net of proximity to keep you close to people. Suddenly it requires you to walk into a building alone or with one other person in effort to meet new friends. Nothing is quite as terrifying as opening up to a small group for the first time and just praying they don't label you as a total weirdo before they know you fully... (thankfully, that didn't happen. God is good, am I right?) Relationships also require you to swallow your pride and friend people on Facebook after one meeting. It requires that you make an effort to see them if they're someone you want to invest in. It requires that you do things that make you uncomfortable for the sake of building lasting relationships. Like it or not you live in the place you live for the time you're allotted, so you can either sit back and mope about your circumstances, or you can do something about it.
One of my biggest pet peeves is the fact that effort seems to have gone by the wayside in this day and age. When it's easier to text someone and say you'll hang out, it's a lot harder to actually do it. We get complacent. We get caught up in ourselves and fail to see that we might be missing some great opportunities if we just put ourselves out there a little. We talk a big talk, but don't commit to a big walk. I can say someone is my best friend all I want, but if I never hear from them or it's always a one sided friendship, chances are there's no longer a "best" associated with that phrase. I have learned the value of effort, of people pursing and doing the pursuing when it comes to relationships. My best friends are the ones that go both ways. They realize the value of me and I them so that they actually care to see me, to catch up on my life and most importantly to encourage and pray for each other.
I'm not saying this is easy. By no means does this come naturally. We are all selfish people, mostly wanting to do what's convenient and easy for us and not something that requires extra time or energy. This is the epidemic sweeping through our generation. We simply exist, and do only what is essential and/or convenient for us instead of really putting ourselves out there. That's why I think Maya was on point with her quote. I will forget what you said. I will forget the things you did. But I will never ever forget if you made an effort to be there and be invested. I want so desperately to be a person who invests. Who puts effort into others and builds friendships that mean something. I don't want to relive the glory days of college in my head and realize that was the last time I actually invested or experienced true friendship. As my life progresses, so do my friendships, and so does the effort required. Nothing worth having comes easy. I only hope that as time goes on the quality of my friendships increases, even if the quantity does not.
Until next time,
Jackie
*Life Update: My internship was extended for another month or so! So it's not quite time to bid CJRW adieu. I'm SO excited to be able to continue working with such great people and such a great company. I also cannot wait to go to Minnesota to pick up ZuZu next week. To say I've been ready for this puppy for awhile is an understatement. GET ME TO ZUZU NOW. I've included a picture because she's just too dang cute not to have one.
