Some songs

Some songs affect me more than others. It's like the words are aimed at my heart, speak to my life and situation and just apply to what I'm going through. They say there's a song for every mood- which I find is very true. Go to band when I'm in study mode? Mat Kearney or SafetySuit. Happy? Throw on some Parachute or some upbeat pop songs. Mad? Daughtry usually does the trick. Mellow mood? John Mayer, Ben Rector or the Fray. The list could go on (I have a rather large music library...) but really. The songs that get me in every situation I'm in are the songs that take the focus off of me, and put it on God. Lead Me to the Cross, Inside Out, You'll Come and other have been some of my favorite worship songs of all times. I gotta say though, nothing quite speaks to my heart (besides the word of God) like The Desert Song by Hillsong United. The back story to this song- what Jill went through before she sang it gave me a whole new perspective on the song. Take a few minutes and watch this. I think all of us can learn something. It's not about worshipping God in the good times, it's about trusting him and bringing him praise in the good, bad, and in between times. This is my prayer in the desert, when all that's within me feels dry....

When did I grow up?

I've been sitting in my room since I got back from Church this morning working on cover letters, applications, writing emails and looking at study abroad options. And the more I sit here the more it hits me- I'm growing up. No longer do I run to my parents when the littlest thing is wrong- instead it's my responsibility to find a solution and to work it out. I'll admit- my mom still calls to make my hair appointment and she does still call about dermatologist appointments and stuff, but for the most part it's now up to me. I live on my own, pay for my own things, and am responsible for myself. That's scary.

What's even scarier is the unknown of the next part of my life. Currently I'm applying for an Internship with Chick-fil-A to work with the Chick-fil-A bowl (not really holding my breath for that one but it's been an opportunity for me to create a professional resume and to practice writing a cover letter). I'm also looking and praying about where to study abroad Spring 2013. I know I'm going to France, I just don't know exactly where yet. Deadlines are coming up to apply for scholarships though and I'm reminded of how inadequate I feel in the "real world". Am I ready to travel overseas by myself? Am I ready to graduate in two years and find a job and support myself? The most comforting thing in all of this though- I'm not the only one going through this. I'm pretty sure all of my fellow classmates feel the same way. We're learning how to do this life on our own. In a way, cheesy as this analogy will be, we're like birds. When we were young we needed our parents for food, shelter and safety. Then came the day when they pushed you out of the nest and you had to learn how to fly or fall on your face. (That's college, in case any of you were falling behind.) And someday soon we'll have our own nest and be doing the exact same thing. My prayer is that even if I do fall on my face, at least it'll be in the process of learning how to fly.

So here's a good luck to all of you in this stage of life- applying for various things and thinking of the future. All you gotta do? Spread your wings and fly. :)

Jacks.

Some things stick in your head...

There are certain memories I will never forget.

Living with my Aunt and Uncle for 6 months while our house was being built.

Getting my new little golden retriever puppy.

Bryan's "sleepwalking" stories.

Erin running me over on a scooter while I picked flowers for my mom.

House hunting in Little Rock.

My friends throwing me a goodbye party in Minnesota.

Moving.

The first mission trip I went on.

The first time I went to Guatemala.

Graduating high school.

Moving in to my dorm room.

First day of class in college.

The face of a little girl I can't forget from my second trip to Guatemala.

The garbage dump.

Good or bad those images make up some of the movie that plays in my head on a daily basis. It feels like every day I have one of those, "Oh man, remember when?" moments. People keep asking me what I did in Guatemala while I was there with my family. I did a lot of things. Mama Carmen's orphanage, lunch dates with various people, sigh seeing, hanging with my friends, Antigua, going to the dump and serving there... the list goes on. The one major thing I took away though- more like the moment my heart truly hurt for others more than it ever had before, was one night while at the dump in the middle of the city.

The pastor of the church we had helped do food distribution with an hour earlier was taking us around the dump where we got to meet a family who was absolutely precious. Then he took us to the outskirts of the "community" and we saw the trash on one side, and the houses on the other. All that separates the people in that community from the trash is the thin layer of dirt under their feet. He informed us that the government comes in and allots each family something like a 5 x 7 space to live in- if you move you lose it. For the first time I felt in my heart a deep hurt like I'd never felt before. The government allows this? They come in and actually set up land for these people to live on? Why don't they DO anything?! I was outraged that a government would look upon this and just let it happen- help it happen. But ultimately I realized as I looked around that there's places like this in the US and the government doesn't do anything about it. Rather, they turn a blind eye- what they don't see they don't know about. Think of the hundreds, maybe thousands of homeless who live in your city that you never see- you never know their plight. Many go on missions trips to try and "Americanize" a culture that isn't American. Face it. We don't have the solution to their problems if only we build them an "ideal" home, or make things the way they "should" be. Our goal should be to equip them to live a life that suits their culture, and their individual needs. I realized that the answers aren't to make them more like us, but to make them more like God. 

I have a new perspective now when I look around me at the wealth and prosperity. I try to see the trash underneath it all- the things we'd rather not look at because they don't fit with our idea of how America is. There's a tent city in Fayetteville that I don't even know where it is. And what's being done about it?! Nothing that I hear. It's time to start worrying about my problems and stop worrying about what "terrible" thing the government is trying to do and start trying to do something about the hurting in my community. This semester I want to go out and see a new side of Fayetteville- outside the walls of this University and manicured lawns of the houses surrounding it. I want to see where the need is. My prayer is that through it all my eyes will be open to the hurting around me- and to strike a flame in my heart to see the hard things and to take action with the people to fix it. 

I don't want to be like the government- I want to see it, and do something about it, plain and simple.

Letter to the Family

We just got back from our "missions" trip to Guatemala as a family. I say "missions" because it wasn't in the sense a normal trip. Yes, we got the opportunity to work with Mama Carmen at her orphanage, hear the story behind her coffee plantation (just ask if you want to know!), help out with food distribution at the city garbage dump and then later a worship service for the drug addicts at the dump, visit with some local families and pray over them and much more. But a lot of what I appreciated from this trip was a chance to observe my family together. So I decided I would write this letter to you all just to thank you and everything for an amazing time. (Another post will tell more about the trip... no worries. :) )

Dear Family,
Thank so much for coming on this trip to Guatemala. I know at times it was hard getting excited to spend a week with each other, but I'm so glad we all went. I left pieces of my heart in Guatemala the first two times I went and it was a pleasure for me that you could see a little of the country I've fallen in love with.
To my dad: thank you for providing us with this opportunity. You are the reason this became reality and I thank you so much for the effort you displayed. I apologize for not being more compassionate when you were sick- it must've been hard sitting in the hotel and thinking about all the things you could've been doing. All in God's plan. You're a great leader of this family and I love you very much!
To my Mom: Thanks for getting out of your comfort zone mom. I saw how concerned you were going into it but you tackled all the challenges of the language barrier and being in difficult situations with grace. I love that in everything you tried to make the best of it and to look at the bright side of all things. You kept me positive. Thank you for playing with my hair in the van, and loving me. Thanks to both you and dad for being so understanding and so willing to let me go out with my friends. You don't know how much of a blessing that was to me.
To Bryan: I can't believe I haven't gotten the pleasure of seeing you speak spanish before this. Seriously, this trip opened my eyes to how God has blessed me with a brother like you. Everywhere you went, all people said after was Bryan this, or Bryan that. (As much as I wish it had been me ;) joking!) You spread joy and are always "happy, happy" as Enrique says. It's true. You have a wonderful heart that wants to help and I know that you mean what you say when you want to help those people and love them. I can see you going back a few more times... make sure to take me with you. ;)
To Amanda: This trip was so much fun for me to see where you've been in Guatemala- the places you've served and the people you've touched. You've made my brother extremely happy and I"m so glad he found an amazing wife. I am so glad you're a part of our family and because of that you were able to introduce us to some new friends in Joe, Enrique and Cecy. I am forever grateful to you for that. I see that the country has worked its way into your heart as well and I know that you and Bryan will (hopefully!) continue to serve there. I also can't wait for you to adopt a little Guatemalan niece or nephew for me... :)
To Erin: You're beautiful, inside and out. I know you're in the right profession Er, because when I see you with kids I see the joy you bring to them and the joy they bring to you. It was great to have you with me, and it was a joy for me to have you hang out with my Guatemalan friends. Your approval and support mean a lot to me and I look up to you. I hope we'll be able to travel together, maybe back to Guatemala, maybe to somewhere else! Either, way, we'll have fun. :) I saw the delight God takes in you during this trip in blessing you with little girls to love on you and girls for you to love on.
I love you all and hope that this trip will be one that hasn't just changed me, but has changed you all as well. That as a family we will unite and say that we will pray for countries that don't have the opportunities we have here and that we will be active in spreading the gospel, not passive. Thanks so much for blessing me through this trip and being able to celebrate my birthday in the country I'd love to someday call  my second home.
Till next time, Jackie