Lessons in Love and Forgiveness

"If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive."

- Mother Theresa 

*This post comes a few weeks late, oopsie!

Love when it's hard.

Some weeks are better than others. The past few weeks have gotten better and better since a few weeks ago, so I'd say I'm pretty lucky. A couple weeks ago wasn't the easiest. What else is new, right? Seems like I always have some sort of drama going on - welcome to being a girl. :) That hard week thought taught me some valuable lessons, though. Without going into detail, I'll tell you a few of the lessons I learned along the way:

• Laughter can cure a lot of things, and when that falls short, cupcakes and playing soccer definitely helps. 
• Having coworkers will never be overrated. Thankful for new faces and beginnings at work. 
• God listens to your cries and meets you in some crazy ways. 

Let me elaborate on the last point. Church a few weeks ago blew me away. You ever feel like sometimes the pastor is talking right to you and telling you what you need to hear? This was one of those weeks. It's funny that my last blog post was about not loving others well, and the sermon the next week was about love and understanding where it truly comes from. I apparently needed to hear it again.

Clayton, a worship pastor at my church read my absolute favorite scripture during the opening worship set from Isaiah 43:1-3, which says: 

"But now thus says the LORD, 

he who created you, O Jacob, 

he who formed you, O Israel:

'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the LORD your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.'"

In the midst of the storms and fire, God reminded me of whose I was. His. I have the word "redeemed" tattooed on my wrist, and I still forget its significance sometimes. I am redeemed because he cared enough to come down and save me in the midst of my crap, showing His amazing love. And because of his love, I will walk through trials, but they will not overwhelm me. Praise the Lord.

Brandon gave the message and talked about how loving people is messy. It's complicated and not easy, and it isn't always going to come naturally. Brandon asked the question: "How come you and I don't love each other the way Christ commanded us?" His answer? "We don't understand who we are in Christ. Because of that, we aren't free to love others the way Christ has loved us."

Our inability to love other well stems from our lack of understanding of where love comes from. 

God is love. Only God's love is perfect, right, true, selfless and pure. We are a bunch of broken people trying to love each other and we so often fail. But maybe we would have more grace during those time of failures if we understood the root of all love. God doesn't love me because I'm perfect or I do the right things. He loves me despite it all. I in turn, shouldn't love people just because of what they could do for me, but despite what they do to me. The beauty of life is that God takes broken people, puts them together, and gives us companionship. It's up to us to work at those, fight for those, and cherish those relationships. This doesn't happen, though, without his help.

This love, this overwhelming, out-of-our-minds-I-don't-understand-it-love, should bring us to forgiveness, even when it's hard. I don't like to forgive those who have wronged me. I don't want to let go of the anger and frustration I cling to when things go wrong. I don't want to be the "bigger person." I, like most people, find myself in situations out of my control that have hurt me in some way, big or small. I want to sit back and pout, whine and yell at God for allowing whatever to happen. My mom, ever the wise sage, said to me, "Jackie. Holding on to anger only hurts you, not the other person."

Gut. Check.

She's right of course. I only make myself miserable if I never choose to let the things that have hurt me, go. I can either sit back and play the victim (which I hate doing), or I can let these things change me. God didn't say forgive 70x7 to be cute. He said that because he knew that "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." It is for our good that we forgive. It is for our good that we realize that God, in his love, forgave us, and we in turn, in his love, must forgive others. It's not easy. It's not fun. But it is necessary. 

Basically I was in tears most of the sermon because it's hard to love through hard times, but in the end love is the only thing to break down walls and give you joy. Hate only steals from you and leaves you empty and alone. Love and forgiveness are processes. I've heard it said it's a long foot from your head to your heart, and I know this is true. But as my sister said, "Choosing to believe truth is hard, but fear of doom and gloom is not of the Lord, so it shouldn't be of you either." 

Choosing to cling to truth in hard times is the only thing that will refine you and bring you through to better days, and praise the Lord better days have come. 

Until next time,

Jackie

I Suck At Relationships: Easter Reflections

"Forever, He is glorified.

Forever, He is lifted high.

Forever, he is risen.

He is alive

He is alive."

- Forever by Kari Jobe

He is Risen! He is Risen indeed!

I'm usually a day late and a dollar short, so these Easter reflections are coming to you post-Easter. Bear with me. It might be worth it. :)

I love Easter. I love the celebration of Jesus and his sacrifice for us. I love remembering that he conquered death. I love the anticipation that builds up to that day. I love the Jelly Belly jelly beans I get in my Easter basket every year. 

What's harder to be excited over is Good Friday. 

Granted- there would be no Easter celebration if there wasn't a Good Friday. There would be no forgiveness of sin, and being free to live for God, without the death of Jesus. There would be none of the hope I have without Christ's sacrifice. Easter is only a celebration in light of what happened. I tend to blow right past Good Friday though and focus on Easter. I don't want to dwell on the sacrifice. I want to give it a nice tip of the hat and move on to the joy of eternity with God the risen Christ represents. 

This Good Friday though, was different. As I sat in the service fighting back tears, God was working on my heart, as only he can do. This all will make sense with a bit of backstory...

For those of you who don't know, work has been pretty stressful. If you've had a conversation with me in the past few weeks, you'll hear me talk about how busy I am and just the stress that comes from having all the responsibility for one account almost squarely on mine and my boss's shoulders. Basically I'm overwhelmed and it's been really hard to keep my head afloat. Add to that the fact that life and relationships are complicated? Life's been a struggle. 

So. As I sat in church on Friday, I had the weight of expectations and stress on my shoulders- placed there by no one else but me. As we sang songs about how Christ was murdered on that cross for my sins, something hit me as I gazed at the cross on the wall. 

I suck at relationships. 

I don't say that in an "aww, don't say that, Jackie!" sort of way. I say that in a "wow, serious reality check," sort of way. I take my stress and whatever else is going on in my life and let it affect my life in other areas. My relationships with people suffer, my joy is stolen, and my patience is shot. I look at others through my own experiences and start to see them as less than they are, and see me as more than I ought to. Basically, I in my sin start to think that I was the one who died on that cross for everyone else's happiness. I will suffer so no one else will- which is absolutely ridiculous. John Piper puts it well: "Every sin flows from the failure to treasure the glory of God above all things." The glory of God is the cross of Christ. 

God gently reminded me on Friday that my perspective is wrong. I should see my life, and those around me through the lens of the cross. If I shift my perspective to looking at life, circumstances, and people through the ultimate display of sacrifice and love, how much better will I, in turn, love people? When I begin to treasure the cross of Christ and take the focus off me and my problems, I start to see people how God see's them- how he saw them thousands of years ago when he hung up on a tree for our sins. I slowly start to see people as more important than myself. 

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die." - Romans 5:6-7

Christ died for the ungodly, yet I can hardly be happy for a friend's relationship, promotion, [insert other thing here], or whatever. Where Christ died on a tree for you and me, I cannot celebrate even little joys with friends or bear with them in their sorrows because I am too hung up on my own troubles. 

Christ did not just die so I can be reminded of how much I suck, though. (PTL, am I right?)

"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." -John 3:17

The realization that I "suck" at various things, should drive me towards the cross, and towards repentance and life transformation. It should change the way I view the world, and should make my perspective on things cross-centered.

I am saved through the sacrifice and victory of one. What I fail at, Christ did perfectly, and died so that when God looks at me he doesn't see me and my messed up life, but sees Jesus on the cross in my place. I am washed whiter than snow and God calls me his beloved. I do not love well, but thank God he loves me more than I deserve and more than I will ever know! It's a daily reminder to see others through the cross. Once I start to focus on that, my problems and failures start to become more and more dim as my focus becomes more and more concentrated on Christ and loving others the way he loved me. Praise the Lord for grace and forgiveness and gentle reminders that my life, in all of it's craziness, is but a whisper of an eternity we will spend with Christ. 

Until next time,

Jackie