Respect and Integrity: Two Things Missing Today

"With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity." 

-Mark Twain

So this morning I got on Twitter as per usual only to be greeted by the picture of a burned out truck and car and an accompanying Tweet that said something to the effect of "Brandon Allen's truck was burned last night, police investigating possible arson." 

What?

I mean, I get it. The guy isn't going to be the next Peyton Manning by any means, but the poor guy is a college student/athlete. Even above that, though? He is a child of God. The fact that his ability (which far exceeds my own ability and about 90% of the total population of the world) as a quarterback has brought such hate down on him leaves me shaking my head and my heart sad. When did we start deciding that the ability of the person would either earn them respect or disdain? When did it become acceptable to play "jokes" on people simply because we're frustrated with their performance in a game? It blows my mind that some "adult" (which is obviously questionable if they thought this was cool) decided this was a solid choice for a prank/retaliation/whatever you want to call it. 

I must confess that I've said my fair share of negative things about Brandon Allen. I get way too invested in football, and I'm disappointed when my team doesn't do well, but he, like me, is human. He eats, sleeps, puts on his pants just like the rest of us (I feel like that was from a movie or something...) and just so happens to have the title of QB. 

I hate the weight our society puts on letters. Think about it. QB, DR, MD, PhD, TE, RB, LB, KKG, SAE, RA, CFO... the list goes on. To an alien, those look like a random string of letters all put together to mean nothing. To us those cast huge weight in society. We study hard to be the next greatest Dr. We train hard to be the biggest name in Football. We rush to be bonded together by a set of letters. We interview and wear the RA title with a sense of power. With letters come a sense of pride and community, no matter what those might be. 

But when did that become the standard of society? Are we not something still if we don't wear a set of "letters"? 

Let's take it down to basics. We are humans. God has created each one of us to be unique, inspiring, beautiful individuals. He has molded us to be his. No matter who, it's never okay to decide that one of God's precious creations is less than deserving of our utmost respect. It's time we as a society start living with integrity. We must have courage to be compassionate. We must have the courage to be humble and realize we are no one as well, and who are we to pass judgment on anyone else for their performance/lack thereof? We laugh at people as they fail, rejoice in their shortcomings and call for their heads if things don't go "our way." Face it, we are no better than those 5 year-olds in the store beating their fists because they didn't get their way. 

Razorback football is the lifeblood of Arkansas. Ask anyone from here and I doubt you'll hear otherwise. We invest time, money and emotions into the game. It's something to entertain you and to immerse yourself in. But when you start putting that as the ultimate, we have a problem. I hope that no love of something would ever drive me to angry actions towards another. Those actions hurt. They burn (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist...). Think about it, the only love of something that ever drives us to do real good is the love and pursuit of God. He is the only thing we can pursue that will in turn make us treat others with more love and cause us to act with more integrity. If I pursue my career with all I have, I will be a sad, lonely, bitter person. Who knows what I would be driven to do. If I pursue dating relationships with all I have, I will be a half-fulfilled, more often than not disappointed person, and who knows what horrible standards I would have just to feel the love I crave. 

Football. It's a game. Brandon Allen is a person, just like the other guys on that team. They bust their butts in practice in 100 degree heat. Why? Because they love the game and that's what they're passionate about. Just because I'm passionate about writing and may not be the best at it, doesn't mean I want someone to come torch my car. Just because Brandon is passionate about football and may not be the best at it, doesn't entitle him to being treated as a low-life. 

We must become people of integrity and respect. People who build up one another and their dreams. Celebrate with them in the victories, and pick them up in the valleys. This isn't just about football. It's about what our society has stooped to because of the love of a game. It's about starting to see people as God has made them, and not what their ability has made them. It's pitiful, and I for one, won't stand for it. 

Until next time,

Jackie

*Side note: Even iff this wasn't arson, I still think these things are things we all need to think about. We need to start taking the weight off titles and letters, and start putting love in its place. To see each individual as God made them, regardless of skills and abilities. 

The Beauty is in the Struggle

"I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless he sees that it is good for him to wait."

-C.S. Lewis

To catch everyone up to speed- since my last post, I've accepted and started a job with CJRW as an Account Coordinator for Stamp Out Smoking! So word to the wise, if you don't want a lecture about how smoking is going to kill ya, don't smoke around me ;). Anyway, it's been great how God provides and how he works everything out how it's supposed to be. Still learning the whole trust thing, but it's a slow process!

Some people might be embarrassed to put this out for the masses, but I guess I've always had less shame than other people. Two weeks ago I joined a dating site, just for kicks and gigs and because why not? I mean, I get the whole, there might be creepy stalkers on there, but as long as you have half a brain, you can basically avoid all the weird losers. So far I haven't ended up on MTV, so that's a positive! There's something called a delete and block button, and it's oh so rewarding to press them. 

As I venture into the world of online dating the thing that has stood out the most to me is how much value we place in looks. Granted, I wasn't under any fantasy that it was based solely on the content of my profile that people would message me, but one can hope that they wouldn't simply message me because I was "fiiineee" but we had nothing in common. You'd be surprised.

Age: 23. Kids: 4. 

What do you DO in your spare time?! Well, I know what you do... I just don't understand why you have no hobbies.

Age: 27. Occupation: body builder.

I'm sure pumping iron really pays the bills. And those 4 selfie-mirror pics are sure attractive...

It's a hoot, I'll tell you that. Granted, there are a few normal people on there that I've found. Guys that like to read books or hang out outside, that don't have any kids at age 23, and have respectable jobs. But the whole thing reeks of shallowness to an extent... I almost hate myself for it. Almost. If it wasn't so entertaining for me, and the whole, I have few other ways to meet guys in Little Rock, I wouldn't do it. Yes, looks are important, but this whole thing reminds me about how important the content of someone's character is.

As I sat and complained to my mom the other day about how I'm ready to be done with one sided things- whether it be the guy likes me or I like the guy but it's never mutual- and how I have this picture in my head of the guy I'm going to end up with, it kind of dawned on me that maybe I need to adjust the picture. God hardly ever makes our future look like how we picture it. He often brings surprises into our lives, and adjusts the image to what he has for us. Also, having expectations and a picture of who we're "supposed" to end up with is a dangerous road to travel down. It basically guarantees that there's no way I'd ever find a guy who I want to marry, and sets up guys for repeated failure. Which totally isn't fair to them, or to me. I could miss out on great things because I'm being super picky and specific. Yes of course there are things that are non-negotiable, but there's also things that though I may deem them important, really aren't in the grand scheme of things. 

All of this has kind of come to a head in the past week as I've seen 6+ engagements on Facebook as people find their "prince charming's" and the rings to match. I'm not bitter. Which I feel like I spend a lot of time saying, but in all honestly, I'm just sad. I'm sad because I want that. I don't know if I've ever admitted that before in so many words, so I feel like this has kind of turned into my therapeutic post or something. While I do believe that God would (correction: he will, married or single!) completely satisfy me until the end of my days as a single woman, I also believe he has placed inside each of us a desire to be fully known and loved by a mate here on this earth. So yes, I am content being single, but I am also sad being single, which is totally okay. I am allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to wonder when it'll be "my time" and when I'll find someone who thinks I'm worth it to spend the rest of their lives with. The danger lies in sitting in that place of sadness and longing and never realizing that where I am right now is also beautiful. It's a process, relationships. If there's no one in my life, it simply means it's not something I'm ready for right now. I've got a lot of living and learning to do before settling down, and God has been faithful to open my eyes to see where I need to grow and change in the meantime! As the title implies, there is much beauty in the struggle. This is where God shows me what it means to trust in him in a new ways as well as to rely on him for expectations and direction.

It's dangerous for me to get into the funk of feeling sorry for myself, but in this age of social media, it's so hard to guard your heart and have realistic expectations. With pictures of rings and happy couples popping up all over, it's hard to keep in perspective that not everyone is married/engaged/dating. It's hard to remember that I am only 22 years old (especially when I feel about 80 some days). To put it in perspective, I have at least another 40 years of working until I could even think about retiring. I have another 3 years until I can legally rent a car. I have another 8 years until I'm even 30. Time for sure is not running out, and if it was at the age of 22, then I think our culture needs to take a long look at the expectations we place on mere kids to figure out their lives by such an early age. Marriage is hard work is the message I see over and over, and so kudos to the people in their early 20's who can make it work! I think God looked at me and laughed and was, thankfully, merciful by keeping me single. Lord knows I wasn't ready to get married when I thought I was! 

Anyway, my sister is great at reminding me that this is not the end because I haven't met "the one." This is simply a time for learning and growing and letting God teach me what he desires to teach me. She's also great at reminding me that I am special and I deserve to be pursued and cherished, and waiting for someone to do that will ALWAYS be worth it. I like to remind her of the same. Though I may be biased because she's my sister, I know that she is the greatest catch a guy could ask for, and any guy who doesn't see that is a complete idiot. But we all know that as flawed humans, we can all be idiots at times. It was time to revisit who God says I am, and to refresh what a "healthy" view of relationships looks like. So in your timing Lord, with who you choose. Until then, I will rest in Christ fully and soak up all the learning experiences he has for me (and some of those might be entertaining to hear about. So stay tuned!)

Until next time,

Jackie

*To throw it back, I wrote a post about relationships a while back. Just as a reminder that we are all to be content with where we're at and to stop dwelling on what we have or don't have in regards to relationships. While I don't think my words are anything groundbreaking, it's always good to remind myself of what God taught me. So take a look back at http://thejacpot.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-do-you-feel-single.html, and revisit with me!

Big News (But Don't Get Too Excited)

"Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be." -Wayne W. Dyer

*Due to my inability to think- it's taken me over a week to post this. Lo siento!

Peace. It's such a funny concept. You know immediately when you've made a bad decision because of the drop in your stomach and instant uneasiness. You also know immediately when you've made the right decision because of the sense of relief and peace that washes over you. That sense that "everything will be okay."

Not many of you know that I interviewed and was offered an Admissions Counselor position at the University of Arkansas. I found out Wednesday and had until Monday (today) to let them know if I'd be joining the team and move back up to Fayetteville or not. After wrestling with the decision (after all, It's hard to turn down a great job in a great city with great people) I decided that I would not be taking the job, and instead continue on interning with CJRW here in Little Rock. To many, this decision doesn't make sense if you had talked to me about three months ago when I was boldly proclaiming that "I would definitely be back as soon as possible." Me three months ago was ready to pack up my bags and move back "home" to NWA. It also doesn't make sense because when I could be making decent money in Fayetteville I decided on remaining with a minimum wage internship that promised me neither security nor the opportunity to get the heck out of Dodge (or Little Rock in this case...I just wanted to quote that. Forgive me.). 

So I'm crazy. 

I accept it. 

Makes life more interesting right? 

Yeah. 

That's what I'm going with... 

"What changed?" you might ask. Pick up your cup of coffee and enjoy a small glimpse into this crazy mind of mine. 

I hated the idea of Little Rock. If you guys have read my previous posts, you know where I was and where I am now in regards to Little Rock. God has used these past few months to grow me in trusting him to provide friends and opportunities for me. This whole job situation is just the latest lesson in trust from him. I jokingly say "lucky me" but I also say it seriously. I am so lucky God chooses to teach me lessons I need. As I kept thinking and praying about this job offer, I kept hearing this little voice in my head that said "Will you trust me?" 

Will you trust me?

That's a heavy question. "Of course I trust you God. I trust that you provided this Fayetteville job for me because you want to provide for me." Those were the thoughts running through my head initially. It's easy to trust when you have something in your hand for the taking. Yet as I kept thinking about it, I kept coming back to that question. Will you trust me? Confused I sat and argued with God in my head (hey, I needed something to do while driving 8 hours to Illinois this past weekend). 

"You really expect me to trust you by turning down this job? This is the master plan here, God? Really? Why couldn't you make this an easy decision?" Frustrated I tried to come up with every excuse to not stay. Isn't Fayetteville where I wanted to be so badly? As I sat and thought about it, I just felt like God was trying to get me to realize that trusting in him isn't always about taking the first opportunity that comes my way. In my life I've tended to make the choices that make me the most financially stable and the most secure- it's part of the reason I went to the U of A initially and the reason I took this internship at CJRW instead of a different, unpaid internship. As I read my devotional this morning about how God sent out the disciples and told them to take nothing except his power, and reading about how God calls us to the same level of trust in that he is always enough and we don't always need a plan, we just need him, it hit me that God is taking away my second tunic. (To put it in context: "And he said to them, 'Take nothing for your journey, no staff, nor bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not have two tunics." Luke 9:3) Talk about conviction. He wants me to do away with the safety and security and simply trust him to provide. I've spent my life trying to ensure security for myself, and here I am turning down the very thing that would offer me that. God doesn't call us to a life of ease, he calls us to a life of trust. And sometimes that life of trust doesn't always make sense. 

After I made the call I came back to my desk, relieved and totally at peace when suddenly it hit me why I had held onto this so hard (apart from the whole security thing...). As I sat, tears welling up in my eyes (talk about embarrassing!) I began to realize that I was holding onto this job in Fayetteville not only because it offered security but because it offered an opportunity to return to college. Follow me on this... Being in Fayetteville these last four years for school has genuinely been the best four years of my life thus far. The memories, the people, the lessons learned, everything associated with Fayetteville holds a special, wonderful place in my heart. For me, this job was the "August" at the end of the summer. An "August" being the promise of a return to school, a return to the routine of being in college. As I sat at my desk I realized that that chapter is finally, sadly, finished in my life. There will be no more Augusts to return to school. There will be no more late nights up with friends hanging out or studying. There will be no more drives up to Mt. Sequoyah to get away and think. There will be no more driving over to my best friends house whenever I want. It's over, and my heart wasn't ready to fully accept that until now. God gently held my heart as he reassured me that everything will be okay. Not in a cheesy "it'll be rainbows and sunshine" way, but a quiet acceptance that what happens will be for the best and the next chapter of my life is really beginning. I will always have the memories, but it's time to start fresh, and to become attuned to what he is trying to teach me here and now. 

What now? I wait and I trust, simple as that. God is bigger than a job, he is bigger than a paycheck and he sure as heck is bigger than the plan I have for my own life. There is a sad acceptance of the end of a chapter but anticipation at what is coming up next for me. You'll be the first to know when/if something arises and I continue to appreciate any and every prayer in regards to my job situation.

 But I'm not worried. 

Yes, Lord. I trust you.

Jackie