April 21, 2011. I finished reading the book Radical by David Platt (Check it out if you haven't- it's worth the read), and started on my "one year experiment" of living radically for God. If you're curious as to what it entailed, I wrote a blog post outlining what I had planned to do and everything like that. As I sit here on a bright Saturday morning, I can't help but ponder all the things I've seen change in my life and to wonder if it was the experiment that changed it. Here's just a snapshot of things I've seen happen this past year that I believe were due to daily living in Him, praying for his people, and sacrifice of time and money.
As I end this year I'm gearing up to go on a Summer Project with CRU. I had planned on doing this- but I do believe I might not have followed through if I hadn't daily been in God's word and seeing the nudges he put in front of me to actually apply and GO.
Through giving up a portion of my year to go on a missions trip, I was able to go to Guatemala for the 3rd time and meet new people and see new things that opened up my eyes to true need and true faith. I was able to deepen my relationship with my friends already there, and was able to solidify in my mind that someday I will return for longer than a week... I think I've said this before, but I truly know that half of my heart was left in Guatemala with the kids I met, the things I've seen, and the country I love. My parents were able to see where I love and experience that with me which I don't think would've happened apart from this Radical year.
My heart for the lost and broken in the rest of the world would not have formed had I not daily gotten emails about a different group of people who haven't had an opportunity to hear and follow Christ for themselves. I believe my heart got bigger for the people of the world and I now see each country not as just a place on a map, but of people who need you desperately.
Sophomore year has been a year of growth in me in more ways than one. I grew socially and in my leadership ability being an RA and a bible study leader through CRU. I grew spiritually through my church, my own bible study, CRU, and being in God's word daily. I've noticed growth with my friends and I as our friendship made it through a few rough patches and now we're closer than ever. This year I've noticed how much deeper our conversations have gotten and how often we feel free to share all the things Christ has done in our lives. I know that I would not be this open about my faith and I wouldn't have come to this point in my walk where I realize it's either be hot for Christ or be cold- there is no more lukewarm living for him.
I didn't buy a car with the money I earned, instead I put it away and was able to support some friends instead. I was able to continue supporting my compassion child, Peter, by myself through that. And in turn, God blessed me beyond my belief in giving me a car. My parents knew how much I wanted one, but I don't know if they knew how hard it was for me to let it go and trust in provision from other places.
I'm suer there's tons of stuff I missed but those are some of the main things I think have come out of my Radical year. I don't know what I'm going to start next, but until then, I'll continue in the word daily and in prayer. It's a lifestyle change I want to embrace.
Till I write again,
Jacks.
P.S. If you've seen anything noticeably change in me over this year- I'd so appreciate hearing about it (good or bad changes, I always need improvement!). Comment, or message me, or just talk to me in person. :)
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
In Loss, Hope is Found
Thinking back over these past 5 or 6 years, it's crazy to think about where I was when I started high school and where I am now, about to be a Junior in college. I took a long, hard look at the last 5 years of my life and tried to find one common thread that ran through all the years and I came up with one: Loss. Really, starting in seventh grade I started experiencing loss when I moved from MN to AR. Now, this loss wasn't going to kill me- rather, it made me stronger. I'm glad for that loss I experienced and for the opportunities it afforded me. If it hadn't been for that loss, I wouldn't be sitting here in Physics at this very moment at the University of Arkansas. I wouldn't have found my very best friends and I wouldn't be the person I am today in Christ. I am so very blessed to have experienced that loss. Now before I launch into what this post is really about, let me start by saying don't pity me. It may seem like I'm writing this so people will see me as some sort of tragic person but really, that's not it at all. I'm so blessed with my family and in my life as a whole that I have no cause to complain about anything. God knows what he does. But. I thought I would share just something that has impacted my life and how I now think... Vague but you'll understand soon enough.
I believe it was one of the first years I lived in Arkansas that I found out that a neighbor who I was friends with passed away in a tragic four-wheeling accident. I hadn't really ever experienced a loss of someone that close to me in age ever in my life- yes, my great-grandma's both passed away when I was younger but I was too young, and too removed for it to really affect me. I began to think then about how short life was and how crazy it could be that it could be gone just like that. But yet again, it didn't affect me as much as it probably would've had I still been living there. About four years ago, a girl who we (my siblings and I) were very good friends with for about a year was also involved in a tragic automobile accident and lost her life. A girl who I had been close to and who I spent pretty much ever day of one summer with was gone, like that. I remember hearing about it and feeling disbelief that she could be gone- the accident marked on the side of the road by a cross and flowers where I drove by every day from work. I sat at church one Wednesday and I just remember thinking, "alright God, why her?" and not feeling any answers. Shortly after that a man who my mother had been helping for about a year passed away. Mr. Scotty... what a story. Ask me about it someday and I'll tell you how my mother was used by God in that man's life. Another life, gone so fast and so abruptly. My junior year of high school, a promising basketball player at my school died on the court from a heart condition that was never checked for and found. My senior year, a girl who had just graduated, who I was in choir and a musical with, went to college, caught pneumonia and died from complications. We found out my Grandma, my dear, sweet Grandma, had ovarian cancer but was given an optimistic diagnosis- she could live for at least five more years I think they said, and go on with her life. Complications arose- she ended up with a colostomy bag, and I think in the end, gave up fighting. We lost her in November, right after Thanksgiving and I had to walk across my graduation stage with her not in the crowd, but in heaven looking down on me.
That loss sent my mom into a rough spot- losing your mother is something I can't imagine happening and suddenly she was without the woman who had given her life and raised her and been there for her. I went to school which was also hard on my mom and then what they hoped wouldn't happen for many years happened to the day exactly a year later- my Grandpa passed away from a brain injury. Once again my parents found myself a few days after Thanksgiving thinking, "not this again." The man who scared me as a child, but whom I learned to respect and admire as an adult for his authority and leadership was gone, just as fast as my Grandma and the rest of the people in my life. My mom still struggled with the loss of her mother, and now the loss of her father weighed on her also. Through all this though, God showed her, and showed me hope. This past Easter, I found out my Step-Grandpa died after a battle with Lung cancer and various complications from that. The thought that runs through my mind every time I get a call that says someone else I know has passed away a piece of my heart breaks- no matter how close I was to them. These people have been woven in some way shape or form into the fabric of my life and without them my tapestry wouldn't be complete. Through each person something different has been taught me and I know that in the end there's hope. Thus the title of this blog post (Clever I know ;) ). I firmly believe that this life isn't our hope. For Mr. Scotty, for my step-grandpa, for others I've known who I don't know knew Jesus, this life was their hope. I couldn't imagine at the end standing up in front of God and hearing him say, "Away from me, I never knew you." My hope is that even though things happen that are unexplainable, unfair, and life is seemingly in despair, I have a greater time and a greater place to look forward too. Life is short, there's not always going to be one more day to do something and there's not always going to be one more chance to share with people who don't believe. Take every opportunity. God has shown me that through all the loss in my life, hope CAN and WILL be found. His promise is new every morning and even though my life is missing those close to me and those who I barely knew, I know that my life isn't done. Their loss has inspired me to keep going- to not stop because I'm scared or because I think I'll have more time.
I have the time God has given me, and I have the hope of a life longer than the one I'll experience here on Earth. Death doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to seem fair. But through things that are hard, and through things that can't be explained, Christ comes in with an answer. We won't see how each piece of the tapestry of our lives fit together- we won't know why people were in it for so little time only to be taken away, but I look forward to the hope of seeing at the end of my life the finished product- what God was shaping me and growing me into. I want to reach the end of my life and be able to say "I have nothing left, because I used all I had to serve Christ." I want to take each moment and live it like my last.
I believe it was one of the first years I lived in Arkansas that I found out that a neighbor who I was friends with passed away in a tragic four-wheeling accident. I hadn't really ever experienced a loss of someone that close to me in age ever in my life- yes, my great-grandma's both passed away when I was younger but I was too young, and too removed for it to really affect me. I began to think then about how short life was and how crazy it could be that it could be gone just like that. But yet again, it didn't affect me as much as it probably would've had I still been living there. About four years ago, a girl who we (my siblings and I) were very good friends with for about a year was also involved in a tragic automobile accident and lost her life. A girl who I had been close to and who I spent pretty much ever day of one summer with was gone, like that. I remember hearing about it and feeling disbelief that she could be gone- the accident marked on the side of the road by a cross and flowers where I drove by every day from work. I sat at church one Wednesday and I just remember thinking, "alright God, why her?" and not feeling any answers. Shortly after that a man who my mother had been helping for about a year passed away. Mr. Scotty... what a story. Ask me about it someday and I'll tell you how my mother was used by God in that man's life. Another life, gone so fast and so abruptly. My junior year of high school, a promising basketball player at my school died on the court from a heart condition that was never checked for and found. My senior year, a girl who had just graduated, who I was in choir and a musical with, went to college, caught pneumonia and died from complications. We found out my Grandma, my dear, sweet Grandma, had ovarian cancer but was given an optimistic diagnosis- she could live for at least five more years I think they said, and go on with her life. Complications arose- she ended up with a colostomy bag, and I think in the end, gave up fighting. We lost her in November, right after Thanksgiving and I had to walk across my graduation stage with her not in the crowd, but in heaven looking down on me.
That loss sent my mom into a rough spot- losing your mother is something I can't imagine happening and suddenly she was without the woman who had given her life and raised her and been there for her. I went to school which was also hard on my mom and then what they hoped wouldn't happen for many years happened to the day exactly a year later- my Grandpa passed away from a brain injury. Once again my parents found myself a few days after Thanksgiving thinking, "not this again." The man who scared me as a child, but whom I learned to respect and admire as an adult for his authority and leadership was gone, just as fast as my Grandma and the rest of the people in my life. My mom still struggled with the loss of her mother, and now the loss of her father weighed on her also. Through all this though, God showed her, and showed me hope. This past Easter, I found out my Step-Grandpa died after a battle with Lung cancer and various complications from that. The thought that runs through my mind every time I get a call that says someone else I know has passed away a piece of my heart breaks- no matter how close I was to them. These people have been woven in some way shape or form into the fabric of my life and without them my tapestry wouldn't be complete. Through each person something different has been taught me and I know that in the end there's hope. Thus the title of this blog post (Clever I know ;) ). I firmly believe that this life isn't our hope. For Mr. Scotty, for my step-grandpa, for others I've known who I don't know knew Jesus, this life was their hope. I couldn't imagine at the end standing up in front of God and hearing him say, "Away from me, I never knew you." My hope is that even though things happen that are unexplainable, unfair, and life is seemingly in despair, I have a greater time and a greater place to look forward too. Life is short, there's not always going to be one more day to do something and there's not always going to be one more chance to share with people who don't believe. Take every opportunity. God has shown me that through all the loss in my life, hope CAN and WILL be found. His promise is new every morning and even though my life is missing those close to me and those who I barely knew, I know that my life isn't done. Their loss has inspired me to keep going- to not stop because I'm scared or because I think I'll have more time.
I have the time God has given me, and I have the hope of a life longer than the one I'll experience here on Earth. Death doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to seem fair. But through things that are hard, and through things that can't be explained, Christ comes in with an answer. We won't see how each piece of the tapestry of our lives fit together- we won't know why people were in it for so little time only to be taken away, but I look forward to the hope of seeing at the end of my life the finished product- what God was shaping me and growing me into. I want to reach the end of my life and be able to say "I have nothing left, because I used all I had to serve Christ." I want to take each moment and live it like my last.
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57.
Sorry for the length! :)
Till I write again, Jacks
Sunday, April 8, 2012
He is Risen!
He is Risen Indeed! :) Happy Easter to everyone, and apologies for not updating weeks ago- There's actually been a lot of things I could've written about, so I guess it just comes down to I simply haven't had the time. My days recently have been filled with figuring out my next move for classes, figuring out France stuff, working on Summer Project support and stuff, and trying to get everything done that needs to get done as I approach finals. Life has been hectic, but thankfully it's weekends like the one I just spent that keep me sane.
I had the privilege of taking home my boyfriend James for Easter Weekend with the parents- needless to say I was kind of nervous. I had no doubt they'd like him but still, you never know what kind of embarrassing things your parents could do to you or tell about you. But, it turned out to be wonderful! We got to walk the Big Dam Bridge, hang out around my house, eat a lot of good food and worship Christ and remember why we live. Easter is much like Christmas I think in the mind of many people, Christians included. It's the one holiday we come and remember that Christ came to this Earth so that we may call him Father and Savior and yet, we so quickly forget the true meaning of it. The week following we try to live like better people, remembering what we hear Easter sunday or Christmas Eve but that's the tragedy of the holidays I think. Christ came down and died so that we would and could live every day for him. Not just some days, or most days. If I truly believed Christ came down and died and lived in that grace and love, it would be an every single day, every breath, life changing sort of thing. That's how I want it to be in my life. Not that he had to come, but he chose to experience death so that I may have life.
It's ironic that on a day when we celebrate the hope of life through the sacrifice of Jesus, my Grandpa would pass away. I wasn't all that close to my Grandpa, he and my Grandma live in Texas and the last time I saw them was for my brother's wedding last June and it was definitely a good thing. I miss them, and I wish they lived closer. I pray for them, that they would find Christ and fall in love with him. I'm not sure the state of my Grandpa's heart, but I pray that he chose to believe in the only one who could save him. Please pray for my family and my Grandma as she goes through this tough time and for peace and comfort in the loss of her husband. I'm gonna miss my Grandpa and I regret all the times I could've reached out and I didn't. I regret not telling him I loved him enough and not letting him know that Jesus loved him too. I urge each and every one of you, don't wait until it's too late. God's gift of life is now, and he offers it to you free of charge. If you ever have questions, I would be happy to talk to you all. He came so you may have life and have it to the full- don't miss out. Happy Easter everyone, He is Risen! He is Risen indeed!
I had the privilege of taking home my boyfriend James for Easter Weekend with the parents- needless to say I was kind of nervous. I had no doubt they'd like him but still, you never know what kind of embarrassing things your parents could do to you or tell about you. But, it turned out to be wonderful! We got to walk the Big Dam Bridge, hang out around my house, eat a lot of good food and worship Christ and remember why we live. Easter is much like Christmas I think in the mind of many people, Christians included. It's the one holiday we come and remember that Christ came to this Earth so that we may call him Father and Savior and yet, we so quickly forget the true meaning of it. The week following we try to live like better people, remembering what we hear Easter sunday or Christmas Eve but that's the tragedy of the holidays I think. Christ came down and died so that we would and could live every day for him. Not just some days, or most days. If I truly believed Christ came down and died and lived in that grace and love, it would be an every single day, every breath, life changing sort of thing. That's how I want it to be in my life. Not that he had to come, but he chose to experience death so that I may have life.
It's ironic that on a day when we celebrate the hope of life through the sacrifice of Jesus, my Grandpa would pass away. I wasn't all that close to my Grandpa, he and my Grandma live in Texas and the last time I saw them was for my brother's wedding last June and it was definitely a good thing. I miss them, and I wish they lived closer. I pray for them, that they would find Christ and fall in love with him. I'm not sure the state of my Grandpa's heart, but I pray that he chose to believe in the only one who could save him. Please pray for my family and my Grandma as she goes through this tough time and for peace and comfort in the loss of her husband. I'm gonna miss my Grandpa and I regret all the times I could've reached out and I didn't. I regret not telling him I loved him enough and not letting him know that Jesus loved him too. I urge each and every one of you, don't wait until it's too late. God's gift of life is now, and he offers it to you free of charge. If you ever have questions, I would be happy to talk to you all. He came so you may have life and have it to the full- don't miss out. Happy Easter everyone, He is Risen! He is Risen indeed!
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