I believe it was one of the first years I lived in Arkansas that I found out that a neighbor who I was friends with passed away in a tragic four-wheeling accident. I hadn't really ever experienced a loss of someone that close to me in age ever in my life- yes, my great-grandma's both passed away when I was younger but I was too young, and too removed for it to really affect me. I began to think then about how short life was and how crazy it could be that it could be gone just like that. But yet again, it didn't affect me as much as it probably would've had I still been living there. About four years ago, a girl who we (my siblings and I) were very good friends with for about a year was also involved in a tragic automobile accident and lost her life. A girl who I had been close to and who I spent pretty much ever day of one summer with was gone, like that. I remember hearing about it and feeling disbelief that she could be gone- the accident marked on the side of the road by a cross and flowers where I drove by every day from work. I sat at church one Wednesday and I just remember thinking, "alright God, why her?" and not feeling any answers. Shortly after that a man who my mother had been helping for about a year passed away. Mr. Scotty... what a story. Ask me about it someday and I'll tell you how my mother was used by God in that man's life. Another life, gone so fast and so abruptly. My junior year of high school, a promising basketball player at my school died on the court from a heart condition that was never checked for and found. My senior year, a girl who had just graduated, who I was in choir and a musical with, went to college, caught pneumonia and died from complications. We found out my Grandma, my dear, sweet Grandma, had ovarian cancer but was given an optimistic diagnosis- she could live for at least five more years I think they said, and go on with her life. Complications arose- she ended up with a colostomy bag, and I think in the end, gave up fighting. We lost her in November, right after Thanksgiving and I had to walk across my graduation stage with her not in the crowd, but in heaven looking down on me.
That loss sent my mom into a rough spot- losing your mother is something I can't imagine happening and suddenly she was without the woman who had given her life and raised her and been there for her. I went to school which was also hard on my mom and then what they hoped wouldn't happen for many years happened to the day exactly a year later- my Grandpa passed away from a brain injury. Once again my parents found myself a few days after Thanksgiving thinking, "not this again." The man who scared me as a child, but whom I learned to respect and admire as an adult for his authority and leadership was gone, just as fast as my Grandma and the rest of the people in my life. My mom still struggled with the loss of her mother, and now the loss of her father weighed on her also. Through all this though, God showed her, and showed me hope. This past Easter, I found out my Step-Grandpa died after a battle with Lung cancer and various complications from that. The thought that runs through my mind every time I get a call that says someone else I know has passed away a piece of my heart breaks- no matter how close I was to them. These people have been woven in some way shape or form into the fabric of my life and without them my tapestry wouldn't be complete. Through each person something different has been taught me and I know that in the end there's hope. Thus the title of this blog post (Clever I know ;) ). I firmly believe that this life isn't our hope. For Mr. Scotty, for my step-grandpa, for others I've known who I don't know knew Jesus, this life was their hope. I couldn't imagine at the end standing up in front of God and hearing him say, "Away from me, I never knew you." My hope is that even though things happen that are unexplainable, unfair, and life is seemingly in despair, I have a greater time and a greater place to look forward too. Life is short, there's not always going to be one more day to do something and there's not always going to be one more chance to share with people who don't believe. Take every opportunity. God has shown me that through all the loss in my life, hope CAN and WILL be found. His promise is new every morning and even though my life is missing those close to me and those who I barely knew, I know that my life isn't done. Their loss has inspired me to keep going- to not stop because I'm scared or because I think I'll have more time.
I have the time God has given me, and I have the hope of a life longer than the one I'll experience here on Earth. Death doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to seem fair. But through things that are hard, and through things that can't be explained, Christ comes in with an answer. We won't see how each piece of the tapestry of our lives fit together- we won't know why people were in it for so little time only to be taken away, but I look forward to the hope of seeing at the end of my life the finished product- what God was shaping me and growing me into. I want to reach the end of my life and be able to say "I have nothing left, because I used all I had to serve Christ." I want to take each moment and live it like my last.
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57.
Sorry for the length! :)
Till I write again, Jacks
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