Wrecked Life

So my life has pretty much been wrecked in a good way this past week and especially today. We heard from Hudson Smith on the Traveling Team today after a convicting talk by Tim Casteel about God's Will. Then we heard about God's heart for the Nations and about how everything in the bible points to God's desire that all the world should praise him. Then we had an overview of the history of missions- mind blown. The stories of one person impacting another, who impacted another, and so on was amazing to see and to think that it all started on a college campus with students like us. What am I waiting for? God calls us to take his word out into all the world, and as one missionary said, what good reason do I have to NOT go?

I'm wrestling with a lot of things- am I doing the right thing by studying abroad? Should I come back as an RA for my Senior year? Should I plan on coming back as student staff next summer? Should I try and Stint after I graduate? Where would I Stint? God totally broke my heart for people in other countries and has opened my eyes to the enormous need that is out there and isn't being met. I have the ability to go and to preach his word to people, yet I am content to sit here? I don't think so. I don't want to stay around and just chill because that's what's "normal" and college students aren't "supposed" to be radical. I want to abandon myself to God. In the presence of all my readers, I'm making the statement that I don't want to be normal anymore. I don't want to be safe, I want to go somewhere and do something that will impact more than myself. I'll start with my campus and move on to somewhere that God wants. I'll follow his sovereign plan. Not wait for magic writing in the sky but take steps of faith- constantly moving forward in his word and in prayer. This is me saying that I don't have any idea what God has for me- but I'm ok with taking it a step at a time. Lately China has been a semi-present part of my life (I was China for the international dinner, and it seems like the majority of things I hear are about East Asia), what that means I don't know. It terrifies me more than going to any other country to think about going there but if that's where I eventually end up, or if I never do, I will go where I am told. This project has been amazing. I haven't ever come to this point of being so completely broken and feeling such a burden for people other than myself. Realizing the weight of my sin and the weight of what Christ did on the cross and knowing that there are those around me who need to hear it- even Christians who need to be loved as Christ loves them through me- has really gotten me thinking these past few days. It's amazing how you can live your whole life and then realize that the work you've accomplished so far, is only a small portion of the plan God has for your life. I don't want to have wasted my life in things that aren't eternal. I want to be like C.T. Studd, give up everything, and go. No matter if that's the workplace, China, Europe, or wherever- as long as God is leading I'll be ok.

"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.” -Isaiah 6:8